Not. Complacent.

I realize that I left the previous post sitting undefended and without response for quite some time, and it looked depressing. 

So forget it.

More and Better later.

ciao

complacent once again

I am almost gone, and I have a categorized list of dreams.

this. here.

that. there. 

conquer the world.

play.

There is really no reason to doubt any place at this point. I need to go. I need to try. It is the what that I struggle with. What do I try? I honestly do want greatness. all of those expected artistic trophies. legacies. memories. precedents. I want those. 

oh, whatever. but seriously, that is what I want. 

dumb. I feel dumb when I realize what potential this life holds and I don't chase it immediately. It's just dumb. 

soon, I shall be sprinting, my path melting into the sound of my pounding patter on the corridors of next year.

next year. my first chance to do exactly what I dream of. vrroom vrroom.

ciao.

being

A kite at night

is a solitary light.

It plays amongst the stars.

mmmmmm

I can't write in the morning.
It's fairly painful. I am confronted by so much
noise and motion, that I just seem to make lists.
talk.
talk.
shock.
shalk.

I want to move somewhere far away. And I don't really know why. I really have lovely people here, and I would love to discover more about them. I want to know the world, but I am afraid that it is simply a pursuit that will end in rejecting it.

Wanderlust: "an ache for the distance"

I'm not sure how to say it, but I feel like there is not only a distance between me and countries, which I do want to explore, but there is also a distance between myself and people, which I crave and shy from in a strange sinusoidal behavior. Island. New york. Antartica. Austin. Blue Ridge. LA.

GoodWill said to live life to the fullest, and that is what I agree with. Completely. I think that whatever I do, it will be my way, or I won't believe in it/myself/happiness. That is comforting, I suppose, that I will tend towards living for my dreams, and what is my fear? Still searching for that. Perhaps I should just live like a fearless lion-man and my fear will show up later.

MOTTO? I am gonna live this day as sexy and dangerous as I can without getting a disease or dying foolishly.

do. do. do. do. do. I am gonna ride my bike today. I am gonna fly a kite. I am gonna eat soup. do. do. do. do. do. I am gonna speak the truth today. I am gonna shake hands today. I am gonna stop thinking and email petr matacek. and jana svoboda. and that hat maker in new york. do it, you mother. I am gonna sing, and play music, and purge my soul with sound. yes. yes. yes. yes.

gone.

ciao.



'I sat before a moving painting,
And thought about my love.
I saw many a sculpted angel,
in the sky above.'

explanation

I can't say everything, frankly,

because I am f***ing afraid.

to whom it may concern,

you are trouble. Lots.

and I want you.

that's all,

ciao.

!

sway

sway.

sway.

sway.
like some crazy beat.

you hear it through walls at a motel late night during a road trip.

you hear it through the walls at your dentist in the strip mall.

you hear it through your feet punctured and pulsing.

you hear it through a fist in the back of your heart.

you hear it through the earphones of the spicy latina at your right on the plane.

you hear it through the hallways of the abandoned school, someone is learning about the strangeness of life.

eat.

eat.

eat.

eat.

I always forgot to sit down and shove my abilities. 

My throat swells with foul, foul, foul.

I figure that there is something wrong with me. 

big surpise! Stop the presses, boy has revelation!

'But ma, I'm a lone wolf! I gotta hunt, and hide! 

Dig and run! sniff and howl! Ma, I'm a lone wolf! Haaaoooooooooooo!!'

If I'm hated, people are still thinking of me, righhh...??

I started out with servitude in mind. Be that man with the helping hand.

Demand nothing in return, accept little.

I wanted that. I needed that. I lived that. I think.

But when it comes to love, love, love, I ain't gonna hear it from nobody.

She better not love me.

If she don't love me. She won't hurt when I leave. 

I'll just roll on.

cowboy.

thief.

nobody.

But home is where the heart is.

I'm bleeding, 

stammering,

barely moving forward,

looking for the home that I

moved 

out of reach from. ended that one badly. moving on.

point A: boy with brown hair.

point B: victim's home

note the delineation of staining between the two points. looks like there was a struggle.

box it up. tape it up. fold fold. thump, stretch, tear.

lay it down. 

bury.

bury.

bury.

berry.

barry.

bare-E.

Keep it going small fry.

If she love me, 

I gotta love real.

Love real.

Love forever.

One.

(change of pace, p.s.)

Obviously, that is what I want. One soul. To love. forever. Or as long as I am allowed. And then I will love in vain, most likely. Will I allow it myself? shit.

I care. I care. I care. I care. hmm.

Good intentions. Good intentions. Good intentions. Good intentions. wha------

crash. crack. bang! springs. coils. smoke. dust. curses. scrapes. 

"shoot, he's some kinda bad boy. Didn't used to be. My, oh my. (gee thanks, agnes)"

To the fearful leader:

You don't have to be so worried. Say what you feel. No one is gonna get mad. Expect the best. I know I haven't done what you wanted, so please say that. Or not. But let's work, and experiment. I believe in you, and I want you to believe in me. I am a little boat.

I am off to sleep. I really love this chance. this struggle. this, and this, and this. Someone take me sailing. I'm'a'g'may'money. 

Sweet dreams, my lovely ones. I hope that there is someone to coo softly on your pillow. Wake up to fresh air and a fistful of resolve. Today is the first chance in your immediate future to do what needs to be done, what has been dreamed of, and what your love will grow from. cherish.

ciao.

The Music Issue

Last night at the compound in austin. The lovely men of Picardy III.

AGAIN AGAIN! Listen to the wonderful Judas Feet.

Circlebirds. I saw them outside after their set had finished. Sad times. They were really sweet people, and Matt (pictured) had the most intense/wonderful, winter beard. Much larger than on his myspace.

Really wonderful set from Goodfellow. I really wish there had been thrice as many people at least to hear their set. They deserve Glastonbury-type crowds. Like, monster.

I fell for a girl again. Duh. 

I had bad wine in an awesome bottle. hooray.

I listened to my dears rend their hearts to people at a middle school dance.

Literally, I was listening to this while hearing/watching people talk about what the best 'cheap' beer was: "She was always Paris, and I was always Rome/ She was always caring, and I was never home."

That happened. Thank you lord for strange moments.

ciao